"Ken Layne's Fox News column on Tuesday had a novel proposal for resolving the conflict over Palestine — move the Jews to Baja California. It's actually not as wacky as it sounds — the Zionist movement considered many locations before settling on present-day Israel, including Uganda, Libya, Iraq, Angola, Canada, Australia, Madagascar, Siberia, and even the southwest United States. In fact, a settlement of several thousand was established in Texas just before the first World War.
But you know me. When you're a jackhammer, everything looks like concrete, and when you're a space geek, every terrestrial problem has an extraterrestrial solution. So I'd like to reprise a proposal that I made on this very weblog back in October — let's establish a Jewish state on the Moon."
First Fox News suggest that somebody "move the Jews to Baja California". Now it's the moon. Fox News: arms dealers in the culture wars.
posted by AES on Saturday, April 06, 2002 | link to this post
It's like a cubicle Lord of the Flies here at Yoyodyne. All my senses are fine-tuned, honed razor-sharp to hear every padded footstep on the low-pile burgundy carpet that covers the floor of the sales farm. I have set up an elaborate system of mirrors to keep an eye on all bosses, including the VP of Sales, Chuck P., whose office is directly behind mine. Yoyodyne is Survivor-esque in the intensity of its predator-prey interactions. I am a guppy, yes, but I have less to lose than the manta rays that skim along the slimy depths of component sales, trolling for action and replacement parts.
Time for another cup of free coffee. I love temping.
Two days late and a dollar short as always, Bad Faith 2002 presents a copped link to the most hilarious April Fool's Day pranks in history, subject to human subjectivity. My personal favorite is the Swiss Spaghetti Harvest, followed closely by the newspaper story about Belguim dividing. "A rival paper later criticized the prank, declaring that, 'The Times's effort could only be defined as funny if you find the very notion of Belgium hilarious.'"
And thank god for that. John Hiatt has produced what is one of the greatest albums I have heard in years...besides anything by Aimee Mann of course. I am dreaming of summer and drinking tropical drinks on my back porch out of tacky Urban Outfitters tiki glasses while the flames from tiki torches threaten to burn down my already precarious "back porch". Ah, island living...
Speaking of my apartment, for everyone's information, MY LANDLORD HAS NOT RENEWED MY LEASE. I was two hours late signing the renewal papers and in the interim they rented it to some asshole law student who waltzed in the door and wrote them a check. I have stopped crying now, but now the anger is setting in. I can't wait to move into that roach-infested shit hole in the bowels of Ypsilanti, which is about all I can afford these days.
On a brighter note, LimeWire is an awesome Gnutella client, from which I got several excellent albums this weekend. Dude. If you're looking for bootlegged software, look no further. Of course, I would never, never violate copyright law like that. I'm just making this information available to the gently Bad Faith 2002 readers.
Editors Note: Readers of this site may have noticed fewer postings in recent days. This is not due to laziness on our part. As dedicated as we are in producing top quality satire, the rapidly growing absurdity of contemporary society has lately made it difficult for us to keep up. Please bear with us. Normalcy will no doubt return. In the meantime, we suggest you take in an exhibit at a local art museum, especially if you’re planning a visit to Brooklyn:
Star Wars: The Magic of Myth
April 5, 2002-July 7, 2002
(Morris A. and Meyer Schapiro Wing, 4th and 5th floors)
Visitors will enjoy close-up looks at R2-D2, C-3PO, Darth Vader, Yoda, intergalactic bounty hunter Boba Fett, Chewbacca, and Darth Maul, as well as Princess Leia's slave girl costume, Han Solo frozen in carbonite, a model of young Anakin Skywalker's podracer, and an eleven-foot long model of the Imperial Star Destroyer. The Brooklyn Museum of Art will devote two floors to the installation of The Magic of Myth and exhibit more objects than were seen at any of the previous six venues.
"The 900-megawatt atomic reactor near Toledo has shocked even the industry's staunchest supporters. An unexpected leak of boric acid has eaten through nearly six full inches of solid high-grade metal in a critical internal component. Only 3/8 of an inch of carbon steel protection was left in tact when the hole was discovered in February. Soon thereafter a second hole was discovered, raising widespread fears that the reactor could be riddled with untold other seriously deriorated sites."
"FirstEnergy's aging atomic clunker has been likened to a radioactive jalopy, patched together with twine, hurtling down a steep hill. At the bottom is the prospect of a literal apocalypse, whose radioactive releases could permanently destroy all of northern Ohio and the Great Lakes, the world's largest single reserve of fresh water. A melt-down or terrorist-prompted explosion could kill millions, including much of the populations of Cleveland, Toledo and Detroit. "
This is extraordinarily disturbing news. I wonder why we haven't seen this issue prominently reported by mass media news outlets. Nasty.
posted by AES on Sunday, March 31, 2002 | link to this post